worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
