She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
