When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
