Sry I called you an 8
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
