she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
