I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
