So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
