You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
