i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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