i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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