note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
