i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
sarcasm needs its own font
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
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