I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
