it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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