I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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