we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
