Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
