I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize