you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
