I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize