Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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