I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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