he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
