I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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