Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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