I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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