listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
