Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
