Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
