May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
