Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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