Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
