This is not my ceiling
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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