You made me cry and you don't even care
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
