Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
