we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
