remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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