I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
