this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
