We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We left the knife in your bed.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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