Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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