At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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