you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
