btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
