I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
