he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
