i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
