i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
