I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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