Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
