she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
