hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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