i was born a porn star she said
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize