I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
there is glitter all over my balls
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