True but thats because hes a fetus.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
