good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Boobs are out for the taking
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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