I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
