Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
