i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
