I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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