I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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