i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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