What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
