Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
