I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
