haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it was like eating out sand paper
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
