i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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