This is not my ceiling
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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