i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
