You really coming over, don't trick.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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