She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
