I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
