I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
