After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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