I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
