The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
