I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
