Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
