apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
