i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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