It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
