a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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